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Well, I sure did intend to keep updating my blog at least weekly but, alas, I am once again asking myself to be fucking consistent. Anyways, I'm here again, writing aimlessly about whatever I've been doing for the past 3-ish months for the anonymous internet people that lurk the corners and somehow end up here. I'm on my way to graduation hopefully next Spring? Yay. I'm reading so many books. Yay. I'm writing creatively again. Yay. Therapy is incredibly helpful in making me find ways to navigate my hellish life. YAY.

I could write about all of the good books I've read recently but a lot of 'em were self-help books for trauma survivors in the last month or so. But there were a bunch of others too. I'm sure my StoryGraph link is somewhere around here if someone is truly interested in what the hell I'm reading lately lol. I update that in very-not-regular intervals but it's 1000% better than GoodReads (fuck you bezos kys) so I highly reccommend switching to it because it was also made and is run by one or a few black women. Anything that is made by women and supports women is what I want to use.

Tbh this entire year I'd made it my goal to read books primarily written by women too. There are some exceptions of course but for the most part I've stuck with that. Music on the other hand is way more difficult so I've been exploring more bands that have women or all women. For the most part though, I'm just sticking with whatever vibes and makes me wanna loop it for 9hours straight. Chat Pile released a shoe gaze song and it made me feel like I'm happy to have stayed alive all this time just to hear it. (Radioactive Dreams).

Uhh what else.. Idk yet. Maybe I'll come back later but probably not, have a good day.

Been a lil while since I wrote anything. After a bunch of bullshit, now resolved, the new term started this month and I'm finishing the rest of my degree. It should be about a year left and this time I'm confident in my ability to maintain high grades. It's sad to me how college and higher education isn't about learning skills or knowledge. I mean, it -is- but it's also a barrier for higher paying jobs, so for many, even myself, it's only for the paper. I'm trying to take anything I can learn from it but honestly? I could also self-teach for free from web materials and tutorials and videos. However, that doesn't grant me that stupid paper employers require to pay me more lol.

Anyways, I have some books to share. There's a duo series called Monk and Robot and I absolutely loved it. A Psalm for the Wild-Built is book one, and A Prayer for the Crown-Shy is book two. They're both short books (under 200 pages) but that didn't take away anything. Without any spoilers, it's about a tea monk and a robot that become friends. And if someone is a romance enjoyer, sorry this story is about platonic friendship. Although I'm not opposed to stories with robot lovers especially, I don't really care about romance. It really made my heart feel good and I think I needed these books. I think romantic companionship is just... too inflated, too regarded, it's shoehorned into everything, everywhere. If I'm honest, personally, I feel like friendships are far more important...

But whatever that's just my tiny lil onion.

As for other happenings, ehhh. My car is still in a fuckshit limbo. It's almost done, there's just some airflow issue and everyone's suggestion is to keep searching online for potential causes for the code that came back from reading the engine. Wish I didn't need a car. Ehhh, I'm still walking a lot. Still eating less meat. Still drinking lots of water. Things are good, overall. Alright, despite the imminent dread. I'll check back later.

I had submitted an appliation for a transfer a few months back at my job. Almost 4 months later, it's all gravy, going to my job is way less of an issue now. My social meter has a low threshold... honestly, lower than most, making it difficult to complete tasks when my energy gets depleted. Interacting, as the social contract demands, was making it not only difficult to do my job but it also affected my life outside of my job too. With that pressure eased a couple times a week, it has already vastly improved my mood and my energy after work.

With these new areas, the new groups of coworkers don't know me, and I now have some control over the social situations. By being polite, but quiet and distant, that will be the expectation. The other coworker there is similar, so this behavior won't be compared to a high-energy, social individual as it was previously. In the previous area, that type of persona was expected because of the social routine established. This new area, a quiet and distant persona is what they're accostomed to. This works out well for me.

For people similar to me, these kinds of jobs are difficult to maintain while maintaining life outside of those jobs. Even this job has far less demands on the social aspect and it's still difficult for me personally. And, well, remote jobs that are well-paid are harder to obtain. The less people I have to interact with, the easier it is for me to have optimal productivity, in the job itself and in my own life. Is that ideal, no. But this is the way I am and this is how I have to deal with it.

Beacuse honestly, I yearn for a life where I'm far away, unreachable by society, by anybody at all, and only a select few I like I'll talk to and hangout with. That's the dream...

There's not much to say, but I still like writing out the uneventful happenings. Been helping with finishing the kitchen in the main section of the house, now the walls are fully painted and there's a hand-built pantry embedded into the wall as well. It's gonna look hellla nice when it's fully done. I'll be honest, I'm really not into home remodeling, but it's something to do and I like to help. Still taking walks around the dead people most days. The weather has been immacculate, the mornings start off in the 50's, 60's to 70 has the high around midday.

I wish it were warm enough to go to the beach and swim in the sound. We aren't quite there yet though, probably a few more weeks away until then, but I really look forward to it. Really wish I were more into sandals. I have a pair, but they give me blisters. I'm not sure I've ever found a comfortable pair of sandals. I like crocs too, even though the texture inside of them are the Epitome of Uncomfortable. With socks though, they're good. Are there crocs with smooth soles? I think I'll browse depop later for some second hand sandals.

As shown above, I now use status.cafe as a sort of "microblog", I guess? to express random daily thoughts. Even though I did build my own microblog tab for the old layout, I like this better, because I could stylize status.cafe's bare-bones. That was enjoyable. Anyways, I've run out of things to write about, so I'm going back outside. Yay sunshine

Randomly decided to change the index layout, so consider this 1.1? 1.1 is now live. I'll link an archive to 1.0 eventually, or whatever idek. I liked it, but I wanted to try something else as well. Removed the microblog because... it doesn't really matter idk lol. Instead, there's lots more interesting links under extras that lead away from here. I'll add more things as I find them. Something is something, or nothing, or everything.

Aside from this spontaneous venture, lately, I've been taking long-ish walks around the cemetery. Not by choice, it just happens to be nearby and it's large and empty usually and I am an avid avoid-people enjoyer. The sun has come out more, I've needed some sunlight in my life. Makes me feel like a flower, leaning toward the warm light. Did some chores, some yard work, had a walk, drank some hyping killer iced fucking water. Underrated, pals.

Btw? Maintaining a vehicle is actual trash? Get me outta here. The funds I've thrown at this thing is laughable at best, pitiful at worst. I'm still grateful it lasted as long as it has, and hopefully after this, it'll last a while longer before the days kick its brains into the dirt. And actually, it's been cheaper than taking it to a mechanic or a shop. Idk. I'm a complainer.

I like Car a lot. She's (or he's?) a source of internal happiness at the meowment. Cats in general always will be tbh. Can't get enough. Car is so good though.

Went to the theater the other day to see Mickey 17. I expected a comedy based on the trailer. It did have funny moments though. Overall it was pretty good. The group and I went to the bar afterwards and played pool for a while. That's probably the most social thing I've done by some stretch of time.

Because I prefer to mostly dwell in my solitude, I've been reading a loooot of books these past few weeks. A mix of reading and audiobooks, since I can't focus on reading with my eyes while I'm at work. The latest (audio)book has been really dark. It's a well-written story, psychologically, but the premise is just... oof. Difficult.

The genres of the books have been somewhat random, I guess? Anyways smell ya later

The "loft" (attic) at my house is now fully separated from the main house, finally. Note: did not say -finished-, lol. The new tenants moved in a few days ago. I didn't properly acquaint myself, but it isn't really necessary. They seem nice. I hope they can find solace from what they were running away from here. The cold I had last week has also dissipated as well. The sun was out today, so I walked around for a while. Things are moving along in positive directions in my immediate environment and for my mental health, I think.

The Spring sale on steam began, so I grabbed a small handful of older games that I haven't played, namely Amnesia: The Dark Descent and Final Fantasy 7. I thought about snagging the Silent Hill 2 remake as well, but I'll wait for now. The trailer for Silent Hill f dropped some days ago too, I'm excited to play that when it comes out later this year. Or next year, since it doesn't have an official release date.

Left the house today and went up North for some errands. Small coffee and a plain bagel to start off the journey, of course. Also found an interesting reseller hole in the wall shop. I'm not sure how to describe it. I guess, they get a bunch of stuff that was returned from Amazon and resell it for cheap, a bargain bin type of shop. It was run by a mother and her little helpful daughter, it was very cute how she wanted to hold open the door lol. Found lots of interesting stuff for $5 each.

Wandered around one of the malls up there as well. Got a sandwhich for $6. Got a subtle-rain scented lotion for $5. While I'm on the topic of spending, recently, I commissioned a couple of artists for art of my OC, to support fellow artists and to see my OC in alternate styles. They're all amazing pieces of art. I could die. ^_^ It's not like I have a ton of fun-funds to throw around, but I used to take commissions some years ago and I finally get to give back to that community. It's a nice feeling. I buy less than the average person (I think) so hopefully I'm not contributing to massive issues that make me depressed every day.

edit: [03/14] I felt weird about certain descriptions in this latter half. I've had a cold for the past few days. Here's to hoping today is the last of it.

I'm changing this entry since it could have potentially doxxed me. Oops. I'll leave in the last bit of that previous one below and then continue thereafter. Thoughts from a different day: It's enjoyable when I randomly come across music that makes me daydream about my OC (more about him later), already got it listed under currents. Really good stuff. Always liked TR/ST's 2012 album but never explored the following ones. I was missin out :P

The idle ponderings from today: I woke up pretty early on my own, surprisingly. Most mornings I crave coffee, but not today. That's good, I do want to consume it less and not rely so heavily on caffeine. Me and my bestie decided to be accountability buddies for exercising. The main demon I must combat is the one trapped in my sweet tooth that continues bombard me with diabolical cravings.

I don't care about being skinny or shredded, it's just in my best interest to be able to run away from imminent threats without dying in the first two minutes. Getting the energy out also helps with my extreme and unending anger.

Feels like maybe I want to shuffle my deck and see what my tarot cards have to say. Might report back later with my findings.

Well well well, here we are again. The "first" blog entry. Yet again I restart a blog and then drop off the face of the earth. It'll be different this time though, pinky swear. I guess today I felt like trying to do a blog and I spent my entire day on it. literally wasted the whole day. I did some chores though..? The stuff I got online arrived a little while ago, a new keyboard and some work pants.

I wanted to install grapheneOS on this razer phone my friend gave to me. The previous owner died and I'm not smart enough to figure out how to bypass access without the password. not being clever and being lazy is a danger combo. also been rereading mega tokyo lately, cus I found actual prints at a half price books nearby. Nostalgia. With that, I've also been reading more books in general. somewhat reading and somewhat listening, since audiobooks count as their own thing? Idk i don't really care

Idk what else to put as filler. anyway whatever see ya later