cams casino

Hey. I removed a lot of my past entries. Why? I'm me, that's why. Anyway, I'll add a sort of archive view of them later at some point and I think maybe it'll give me a reason to update this thing more regularly. For what, oh, I couldn't tell ya. I like having a place to go, to do nothing productive. If there's something I'm good at, it's archiving seemingly meaningless things. You never know what can be useful in the future. Especially when you have old lines of code that might be useful as a reference later (aka I forget how I did a thing if it has been long enough).

On a long break from work rn. It was very necessary and tbh, I should've taken even longer. Got a lil backlog saved for another stretch of time. Working (interacting with people) was making my tolerance really low, lower than it already is and when you have a stupid rage problem like I do, that's quick to become a real problem. All of that is beside the point though, the point is, I'm doing good. I'm getting shit in order and whatever. I don't fucking know dude! Everything is hard. Lol.

Idk what else, as usual. Might come back later, buuut probably not. Smell ya.

Hey again, back so soon, crazy, I know. Maybe I'll actually get back into writing about my stupid life sometimes. The past handful of months I've gotten back into losing weight and eating "clean"/"healthy" aka managing a calorie deficit, raw vegetables for the nutrients and hella protein and drinking a fuck-ton of water. It has been working and I'm happy to report: lost about 14 to 15 lbs since May. After my tattoo gets finished next week-ish and it heals 2 to 4 weeks after, I'll get serious about bulking, mostly just my arms and shoulders to start with and they look okay right now since I've been doing it semi-non-consistently for the last two to three years but some well-defined shape without flexing would make me feel reeeeeeeeeeeal good about myself.

It's September and that's a good month for me. I started playing Cry of Fear today, hoodie guy running around with a knife? That's my entire modus operandi. Highly recommended. I know most people assume I'm male, and let me tell ya, sometimes that's true, so whatever suits your fancy, I don't really care. I'm a thing that bleeds and I'm over it. I don't use the products anymore, why bother? They're uncomfortable and sorry TMI I'm Captain Commando. Feel it squelch and go clean it up, it's blood you coward, damn. Acting like ya never seen blood before. It's forever in your body until it isn't, get over it.

Made a new friend this week and of course she's a decade younger, makes me feel like an ancient wizard, how does this keep happening. I'm not interested in people romantically whatsoever, so it's whatever tbh, she's very into horror stuff and I'm very into horror stuff, so that was a quick formed friendship. It's nice, the parallel of losing a friendship and then immediately and randomly gaining one. Very cool. I'm maintaining distance until I can determine what kind of woman she is but so far, I think it'll be a good connection to have. Connecting with women is difficult because I have mommy issues.

That's probably it for now. I'm still filled with endless rage and want to drink myself to death every night, but I'm not a weak, lesser man so I don't do that.

Well, I sure did intend to keep updating my blog at least weekly but, alas, I am once again asking myself to be fucking consistent. Anyways, I'm here again, writing aimlessly about whatever I've been doing for the past 3-ish months for the anonymous internet people that lurk the corners and somehow end up here. I'm on my way to graduation hopefully next Spring? Yay. I'm reading so many books. Yay. I'm writing creatively again. Yay. Therapy is incredibly helpful in making me find ways to navigate my hellish life. YAY.

I could write about all of the good books I've read recently but a lot of 'em were self-help books for trauma survivors in the last month or so. But there were a bunch of others too. I'm sure my StoryGraph link is somewhere around here if someone is truly interested in what the hell I'm reading lately lol. I update that in very-not-regular intervals but it's 1000% better than GoodReads (fuck you bezos kys) so I highly reccommend switching to it because it was also made and is run by one or a few black women. Anything that is made by women and supports women is what I want to use.

Tbh this entire year I'd made it my goal to read books primarily written by women too. There are some exceptions of course but for the most part I've stuck with that. Music on the other hand is way more difficult so I've been exploring more bands that have women or all women. For the most part though, I'm just sticking with whatever vibes and makes me wanna loop it for 9hours straight. Chat Pile released a shoe gaze song and it made me feel like I'm happy to have stayed alive all this time just to hear it. (Radioactive Dreams).

Uhh what else.. Idk yet. Maybe I'll come back later but probably not, have a good day.